Tracy's Dream

mc - Wednesday, April 14, 1999, 8:51 AM --------------------------------------- Melody knocks on the door. Tracy opens the door slowly, looking out at you with those deep, mismatched, gem-like green and blue eyes. "Sis...hello..." Melody offers a hug. "Busy?" Tracy wrapps his arms around you in a gentle brotherly hug, "Not overly, actually, no." You say, "Can I come in?" SHe rests her head on your shoulder. "I haven't seen you in days." Tracy says, "Yes, please..." he holds you close for amoment, his warmth bleeding through the fabric of his shirt to bathe you like radience "Please come in sis...sorry if I've been scarece..."" You say, "It's OK, I was just starting to worry." Tracy murmurs softly, "It means more than most could understand that you worry about me Sis, but I do not wish to worry you... Melody leans back to look at you. "There IS something wrong." Tracy starts to protest but his shoulders slump and yet he half smirks "How is it that you read me so quickly? It is as though I am an open book to you..." You say, "Ancient witch secret. So let's sit down and talk, huh?" Tracy nods a bit, walking with you towards the couch. He asks softly, "Would you like anything? Food or drink?" Melody shakes her head. "No...more wanting to listen to you." Tracy nods and pauses a moment, hesitating in thought. His long chocolate tresses sway too and fro in reminescance of his movement, acting almost like a sensual tail that brushes this thighs... Tracy says, "It was a dream in particular...one of this incarnation" Melody sits down. "Is that unusual for you?" Tracy says, "No..." he alights next to ou, leaning forward whi this finger steepled before his knees "This one just...hit me. I...it was so real... and I realize I am the jealous sort..."" Melody reaches for your hand. Tracy slips his hand into yours and sighs, "It was a dream...but everything felt so vivid. I came home one night after having been out doing something...and Iris and the Baby should have been asleep..." he starts shyly, his words soft and carefully formed Melody strokes your hand with her thumb, listening. Tracy says, "Then...I heard voices. They were muffled behind the door, and I heard them laughing. Iris' laugh I'd know anywhere...but there was a man with her. I realized the man's laugh was...Gregory. I remembered that... when the Chantry had been over to meet the child. Gregory had taken Lily from Iris's arms and touched her. He lingered on that touch...he is getting so close to her..." Tracy sighs, "I'm such a jealous idiot...I...I should not be...but, anyway, this si still the dream...I raced the last bit of the way to the room but when I got there Iris was asleep, curled up with Lilly. In the air though...I could feel it...the ripples of magick...and that feeling stayed with me throughout all the dreams I had that night" Melody frowns slightly. "What kind of magick? Could you tell?" Tracy shakes his head, "N...no. I do not remember a particular feel..." You say, "OK. Go on." Tracy says, "That...that is all of the dream...I just...since then it's been sort of like a coal in my stomace...this heavy, sinking feeling. I know Iris needs Gregory...,aybe I should not be jealous of that...I mean, I need youo...but...sometimes, the way he looks at her..." Melody lets you talk, thinking hard. Tracy says, "Last night...I think the talk of friends who have passed on between Nicky, Galen, her and I, must have gotten to her She drew in on herself...and I could not help her out of it. She climbed out o my arms and went to bed...I know she was weary...but I cannot help thinking that Gregory might have actually been able to comfort her where I failed..." Melody says softly "What does Iris know about the Spheres?" Tracy says, "Well...from what I have gleaned from what she can do, she is a Disciple of Mind and Spirit...but I do not know if she has more skill than that." Melody says slowly "I don't want to think this of...of Greg..." Tracy's eyes narrow, "What is it Sis..." You say, "Is it possible they're getting too close? The Verbena have laws that govern teaching, does your Tradition? But the Hermetics would HAVE to, wouldn't they..." She shakes her head. "Never mind. Your paranoia is catching." Tracy grits his teeth. "My Tradition has unwritten laws about it, but they are null and void after presentation. I do not know about th eHermetics on that. Iris...Iris would never betray me. Not willingly..." You say, "Look, maybe it's all a way of your mind getting over the baby. I mean, people have weird dreams then." Tracy murmurs with a cold, cold blade's edge "Maybe" Melody sighs. "But you don't believe it, do you." Tracy is as cold as ice, "I do nto know what to believe. Maybe I am wrong. I hope to the powers that be that I am. If Gregory attempts to take her from me, however..." he says with a cold certainty, "If he attempts to be more than a father figure to her..." his teeth bare "I will kill him." There is almost..almost an afterimage around Tracy of angel's wings, gleaming with clockwork You say, "Look, brother, I'm sure he isn't. We need to really explore this, OK?" Melody keeps petting you. Tracy murmurs softly, his shivering form marginally comforted by the contact "Yes, we do." Melody draws you into a big hug. "What others do YOU see?" Tracy asks softly, "Others?" Tracy cuddles into the hug, warmly and familially Melody pets your long, fine hair. "Other possibilities. It COULD all be a dream." Tracy nods, "Well...there are my nerves after the whole pregnancy, but I haven't the right to be too strained, I wasn't the one who did all the work. The magick is what bothers me...I cannot identify what it was. You say, "That argues for it having been a dream. Still, our dreams tend to give us warnings." Tracy nods, "I never really thought it was anything but a dream...I know how I am. I know I am jealous, and probably have o right to be. You say, "You are Iris are soulbound." Tracy nods, "Yes...she is my soul's mate. But what would that have to do with the dream? You say, "Nothing except that jealousy is normal and valid. She's YOURS." Tracy nods, "I love her more than life itself, I would gladly give my life for her. I want her happy...but she is not mine, we are each others'." You say, "And she's not Greg's." Tracy nods in aggreement "She is NOT Greg's. I would kill him or die before that." You say, "Isn't that a bit extreme, love?" Tracy sighs softly, "I..supose so...she does not belong to me, I never, ever thought that. I want her happy...but I think if she was happy with Greg over me...it would kill me." Melody says softly "Tracy, my brother, you are hurting so deep I could feel it a mile away. Does she know?" Tracy says, "No...she doesn't. She would be hurt by the fact that I dreamt such a thing..." Melody agrees. "How can we resolve this?" Tracy murmurs, "I do not know. I feel better just having spoken to you... but the uncertainty about Greg gnaws my guts..." You say, "I can make it go away for a bit.." Tracy says, "That sounds an awful lot like running away." You say, "I'm just trying to easeyour mind. If you don't want me to, it won't happen, dearling." Tracy says softly, "Maybe I need the uncertainty and worry to help me resolve this... You say, "I just hate seeing it eat at you." Tracy murmurs, "It is self-inflicted Melody. It is part of who I am...I do not think blocking it would help me solve it Melody nods, sighing a little. "If you're sure. I wonder if Gregis just a symbol..." You sense she's flailing about for any rational explanation. Tracy says, "What I need to ask myself is if I have reason to fear his being close to her. She needs a father like I need a sister."" You say, "That's the problem I have. He's not her father. He's not anyone's father. Yet. He's her TEACHER." Tracy frowns a bit, waiting to see if you elaborate... You say, "The bond between teacher and student CAN be lovers. It CAN be parental. But...I'm Greg's lover!" Tracy murmurs, "Hon...is there something wrong with him being a father figure to her then?" Melody looks restless. "I don't know. It just feels wrong. How long has he been teaching her?" Tracy says, "On and off since they have known each other. He introduced her to a musical house in the Order of Hermes...House Merinia I think it was. She's going to become Hermetic..."" You say, "I know. She won't even try to learn from me." Tracy says, "We lived a life as Verbena...it may have been drastically different from how the Tradition is as a whole, but still it colors memories" he sighs, "The blood focus and self-cutting is probably not appealing to her anyway and I honestly cannot blame her." Melody shrugs. "I still feel a little rejected. Maybe it's because I feel the Verbena in you, I don't know. But..I like Greg a lot, but something feels just odd. Like I said, paranoia is catching." Tracy gently pats your arm, "I'm sorry Sis..." he sighs, "I think I'd feel better with ou as her teacher actually..but that is not mine to decide. I would have felt best if I could have gotten her interested in Science, and that is truely selfish of me" Tracy shake his had, "I hope is it just paranoia... You say, "In my Tradition, we listen to our guts. What does your gut say about this whole thing." Tracy murmurs, "In my gut? I trust Iris unquestioningly..." Tracy rocks, holding his knees to his chest like a child, "Gregory is my elder, my Commanding officer. But...I am uncertain of him." Melody gathers you close again. "Oh, hon....I wish I knew what to say. You're scaring me a little..maybe..I shouldn't get so close to him.." She gnaws on her lip. Tracy hugs you close warmly. "Iris trusts him, hon. There was a reason he was the only other man at Lilly's birth besides me. She trusts him." he gently squeezes you. He is your brother, no question, he cares about you nearly as much as he does his Wife and child. "I do not want to scare you...I'm naturally afraid of people. I don't want to color your opinion of Gregory..." You say, "But..I don't know if I do trust him." Tracy says, "He's too tight, too controlled..." Melody says softly "I had hoped..I was cracking that a little. But I can't do it all..and I have a coven to run, and a priest and lover to train.." Tracy says, "He's never been anything but nice to me...I cannot help but feel guilty thinking ill of him." Tracy gently squeezes your hand, "Oh hon, it sounds like things are going well for you..."" Melody nods. "I think I'm falling in love. And it scares me. And now this. I don't know, Tracy.." Tracy says, "Falling in love is scary Melody...because you have to be willing to loose some control in order to do it. If you retain absolute control...you cannot love because you have distanced yourself from what it means to love." Melody clenches her fists slightly. "I don't know if I'm ready. Not yet." Tracy takes your fists, and gently, very gently tries to unroll them with soothing, massaging, touches "If it happens, then you ARE ready Melody. As ready as you ever can or will be." You say, "I don't want anyone to get hurt, and I'm not sure my lovers... will ever see eye to eye." Tracy shakes his head a bit, "I have no advice on that Sis. No experience. I cannot understand being with more than one person, it is now how or who I am." Tracy's eyes say he has nothing against it however, just that it is not for him. Melody nods. "It's not how everyone is. Not even all VErbena, heck, not even all Ecstatics!" She smiles weakly, but her eyes are worried. Tracy says, "There is a 'Right' feeling to it Melody...you said your Tradition tends to listen to their Gut?" Melody leans her head on your shoulder. "Ah, brother. My gut's not responding on this one." Tracy leans his head down atop yours. "When your insticts fail you...there is a softer voice to listen for. It is deep within you, and sounds like a whisper amidst falling leaves. Know Thyself, follow your heart of hearts." You say, "I can't follow my heart of hearts." Tracy says, "Why not?" Melody doesn't answer. Tracy doesn't press, simply holding you. His arms are solid, his embrace firm and brotherly. Maybe that's part of the problem. But she doesn't pull away. Tracy gently runs his fingers through your hair after a few moments. The sweet jasmine scent he favors teases your nose, his warmth saturating you. Gently he says, "I will be here for you Sis, I love you." Melody whispers "And I, you." Then she does pull away a little to look up at you. "When did you become the comforter?" Tracy blinks a bit, and half laughs, "Umm...I'm not sure." Melody reaches up to your face. Her hands shake." How can I trust you so much? We're so different." Tracy's features are delicate, his eyes warm and deep with intellect and emotion. Gently he reaches his hands up to touch yours, "Maybe that is why, we are different but only so different that we are similar." Melody whispers "You know, one day, I want to see YOUR Umbra. I've seen Greg's, but.." Tracy nods fractionally, his finger gently tracing back and forth along the backs of your hands "One day I will show you Melody, if you wish t see it." Long lashes, raven black and delicately long flutter as Tracy's eyes close and open again. Melody nods. "I'd like that. A lot. And to hear more about your ships, what they were like." Tracy murmurs, "I will tell all you wish to hear Melody, any time you wish. I could spin for you tales I have heard of Etherships with their majestic sails catching the ellusive Etherial winds...I could tell you of my experiences on board the couple I have been crew upon." You say, "Any time you want to talk." Tracy swallows a bit, realizing he was nearly staring into your eyes. He finaly breaks that eye contact, a little confusedly, his long chocolate brown tresses shimmering as the catch the light when they slide down over his shoulders. Melody sags slightly, as if an undefinable tension leaves her. "I'm sorry," she whispers. Tracy takes your hand, gently squeezing it "Don't be." You say, "Why not? I am." Tracy murmurs, "Because I care about you Melody, and nothing will ever change that." You say, "I know. And I'm glad." Tracy reaches out and gathers you close for a warm hug but not trying to force you ino the hug, leaving you chance to escape his arms if you wish. Melody is stiff for a moment but then relaxes and starts to cry softly. Tracy's own tears are a silent fall as he holds you close, letting shoulder be the one you cry upon and genty petting your hair. Melody whispers "Dammit, dammit, I am so stupid.." She sniffles a little. Tracy murmurs, "No you are not." his voice is breeze-soft but firm. He rocks you gently, seeming to almost wish he could do more. He has his face gently buried in your hair, his hot breath slowly washing through your locks.. Melody murmurs "Yes I am. Yes, I am. Very." She sighs, tears slowing a stop. "Extremely." Tracy breaks the gentle embrace only slightly, runnng his thums lightly over your cheeks to wipe away the tears. He looks deep into your eyes "I do not think you are, Melody." Melody makes a wry half-smile. "No, you know I am, which is worse. Dammit." Tracy raises an eyebrow, "I know that I love you Melody, and that because of that you are my sister. That is all I know." You say, "I guess we all have our little delusions." She half-grins again, wiping at her own face. "Damn." Tracy sighs softly, "Please Melody...do not berrate yourself over this. Don't you think I felt it too?" You say, "Don't tell me if you did or not. I don't want to make it...I want to stay friends. Because that's how it has to be." Tracy nods, "We are more than friends Melody, we are family." he squeezes your hand "FAMILY" Melody nods. "Family. Yes. My brother." She says it like she's convincing herself. Tracy gathers to close again, holding you in his arms. Melody murmurs "My brother." Tracy murmurs gently "My sister"

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