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Walls


melody - Friday, April 16, 1999, 9:44 AM
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Tracy raps lightly upon your door

Melody gets the door this time. She lays a finger to her lips. "Shhhh..
Alan's sleeping." She points to the closed door. "He got in at like six 
am."

Tracy's white-painted visage grins with a beaty oddly enhanced by the '
macabre makeup. It does not make him look better, in fact some ight think 
his natural beauty has not the chance to shine through, but there is an 
odd something to it. The light shines brightly on the white, shadows 
seeming to naturally follow the black. HE murmurs so soft it is like a 
breeze, "Allright sis..."

Melody chuckles softly. You feel magick, but it feels more diffuse. "He 
won't hear us now, and I spiked his tea with valerian anyway. He's good for 
another six hours of sleep." She gives you a warm hug.

Tracy smirks a bit, his black painted lips drawing delicately against 
perfect white teeth. He shakes his head a bit, shimmering chocolate 
tresses rippling with the motion

Melody draws back, looking at you a bit concerned. "Are you OK?"

Tracy nods, "I'm well enough..." he murmurs, leaning into your hug 
languidly. "Your lover must have really needed his sleep for you to have 
spiked his tea. Does he not sleep well?"

You say, "He's been working on a murder case joinly with the FBI. He can't 
talk about it, but...well. He needs a lot of stress relief right now. When 
he stumbled in this morning, he told me he'd been told to take the day 
off. I'm making sure he takes it."

Tracy raises both eyebrows, "Must have been someone important murdered"

You say, "It's been in the papers. Apparently some Heaven's Gate type 
thing. Brr. Gives all us weird religious types a bad name. Can I get you 
some milk?"

Tracy murmurs softly, "Milk would be nice." he shakes his head, "That cult 
must have made some noise. I usually do not read the paper much, too much 
time goes to my ab work if I am not with my family or working the repair 
shop"
Tracy says, "And then I'm constantly writingg and reading books"

Melody shakes her head, padding barefoot into the kitchen and pouring the 
milk. "I don't know how you find the time!" She returns with the cold 
glassful, guiding you to the couch. "Are you still feeling tense? You sure 
seem like it."

Tracy shrugs a bit, "I think tension is part of what makes me tick sis." 
he is easily enough guided to the couch. He chuckles softly, "Sometimes 
I'm not sure how I do find the time. But I manage." he unhooks an earring 
from his ear, it is a little, onyx-black, tear-drop shaped thing...you 
notice on close inspection is it porous and has three buttons "Like it? 
Nicky, Galen, Iris and I have one. It is a short wave communicator with a 
panic button. I'm thinking I'll hand these out to the entire chantry"

Melody holds out her hand to inspect it. "Interesting! I'll have to pierce 
my ears.."

Tracy hands it to you, it is faily light. The porousness is condusive to 
being a speaker and it shimmers prettily besides that. "No need unles yo 
want to. Mine are pierces so mine needs piercing, but I have clip-on 
versions and the transmitters will fit into other jewelry"

You say, "Nah. I'll pierce 'em. It won't hurt for more than a second, I'll 
turn it into a mini-ritual."

Tracy grins a bit at that, shaking his head "Techno-Verbena"

You say, "You'd love Silvergate."

Tracy says, "Silvergate?"

You say, "He's my old coven's online contact."

Tracy's grin has a disturbing beauty with the gothic makeup, the spidery 
motif oddly befitting him "He DOES sound interesting. He's Verbena? 
Funny...I knew that anyone with the rigt techniques could send themselves 
into the Digital Web, but not that many Primals even wanted to"

You say, "They call themselves black sheep." She grins. "I DON'T want to, 
but he did. And it was very useful. Just not my thing."

Tracy says, "Errin took me there a few times, but I've never caught on to 
Correspondence."

You say, "I wish I could teach you."

Tracy smiles, "Eventually I'll learn...I've sort of got a mental block..." 
he blushes a bit, "Erin Tried to teach me, Guy tried to teach me...

Melody frowns. "A scar on your Avatar?"

Tracy shakes his head, looking pensive, "No..just restrained by...fear."

Melody blinks. "Huh?"

Tracy ahmmms softly, "The first thing you do is to learn to see sense space 
around you...right? How.." he swallows, "close everything is to you..."

Understanding dawns. "OH! Oh, hon. I suppose you COULD do it that way..
that's not how I did it, really.."

Tracy blinks a few times, cocking his head to one side...

You say, "You're scared of feeling shut in again, aren't you?"

Tracy nods "Y..yes..." he admits softly, "One of the reasons I climb is 
because of the need for wide open space..."

Melody wanders over and opens the blinds, letting more light and air into 
the room.

Tracy blinks a little in the light as his mismatched eyes adjust to it. The 
spider-leg designs on his face give him a techn-feral look

You say, "What feels more soothing to you? Open dark or closed light?"

Tracy ponders that a moment, "I'm not sure actually...if it is closed 
light..I can see where the walls are at all times...

Tracy says, "But open darkness is comforting. There is nothing like night 
climbing, dangerous as it is"

Melody nods. "How do you react to a blindfold, if your arms and legs are 
free and you know you're in open space?"

Tracy swallows, "Poorly. When I first came through the Rowan tree in the 
Chantry I from the crossroads after I had been sent here...they would not 
let me leave without a blindfold or even relaly stay. So...Viktor 
blindfolded me and I was a nervouse wreck by the time he took it off."

You say, "Can I try something with you?"

Tracy murmurs in a soft, almost child-like, voice "Sure..."
Tracy says, "What is it sis?"

You say, "You're going to have to let me into your mind, all right? I know 
you trust me. The question is, how far?"

Tracy murmurs, "Umm...allright sis. Yes...I trust you." he's a little 
pensive, though, as anyone not knowing what is going to happen is.

Melody slips into the bedroom, returning with a soft blindfold. It's pale 
black leather, cushioned with fur. It looks like it would not be physically 
uncomfortable to wear. Emotionally, for you...

Tracy looks at the blindfold and cannot help but suppress a shiver. He 
shakes his head, "You ant to blindfold me? O..okay....but...I'm not sure 
how out of control I might get if I have it on too long..."

Melody says with certainty "You won't. Trust?" She waits. You can still 
call this off easily.

Tracy looks into your eyes, his mismatched gaze recalling to you the eyes 
of a young tracy locked into a refigerator with only one narrow window to 
the world. Body battered and bruised, emotions and mind scarred to the 
core.

Melody waits, not moving. The blindfold is extended. You can touch it, or 
knock it away.

Tracy says softly, child-like "You are my sister...you want to help me..." 
he swallows, reaching out for the blindfold to touch it gingerly...

It's *soft.* The leather is well-oiled, and the fur real rabbit, and 
brushed.

Tracy asks softly, "Why...why do you have such a comfortable blindfold? Do 
you use one often for some reason?" puzzlement is apparent in his eyes as 
he touches it.

Melody says just as softly "Sometimes it's nice to use during sex, and I 
use it for some of my rites. One day, Alan will be blindfolded for his 
initiation, for example. It's a tool, a tool of ritual, a tool of healing."

Tracy nods, lowering his hand and looking to you expectantly "Allright 
sis..."

Melody reaches up to her necklace, concentrating. Again, you feel her 
request for entry.

Tracy's mind is open to you. Warm waves of love and trust for his sister 
wash over you, even though they are tinged slightly with anxious fear of 
the object you hold which he knows will plunge him into ignorance of how 
close the walls around him are. Alreacy the rom feels constricting to him.

Melody says softly "Breathe, Tracy. Long, slow deep breaths." She lays the 
blindfold slowly in your lap, moving to the windows to open them, cold as 
it is.

Tracy reaches down and takes the blindfold in hand. He is to shut the world 
out himself? Allright...he takes a deep breath...

Melody returns, pausing. ** You don't have to. I can if you want, ** she 
offers. ** I wanted you to feel breeze. **

Tracy mindsends to (Melody): **Tracy, it seems, would rather you do it. The 
feeling that he is not alone will help him through better if he is not the 
one blinding himself.**

Melody affirms and kneels in front of you. **You are never alone unless you 
choose to be, ** she tells you firmly. She strokes the blindfold over your 
hands, watching your face. The makeup concerns her, you sense...is it dry 
yet?

Tracy knows his makeup. It is dry and mildly allweather sealed. His 
lipstick would not even smear at a kiss. At most a little might get on the 
blindfold, but it wold be a light dusting of white

Melody smiles. She strokes the soft fur over your cheek, letting you get 
used to the sensation before she puts it on. You sense her monitoring your 
emotions closely, carefully. You can back out at any time. You are still in 
control.

Tracy's mind is scintillating with fear, and the adrenaline junkie/warrior/
adventurer in him is savoring the rush from the fear. He trusts you 
implicitly, you are his sister, he trusts you with his wife and kids, his 
own self being a far less important to him than they are.

Melody murmurs aloud and in your mind "Breathe. Long breaths, deep."

Tracy breaths long, deep, swelling breaths. HE does nto know true
meditation, but he knows how to be meditative as he has been when he has 
absorbed The Juice from an Etherport...

Somehow, for him, the adrenaline is its own meditation, it's familiar buzz 
from the fear actually relaxing him into the almost no-mind state...

Melody rests the blindfold on top of your head. It's not over your eyes, or 
even your forehead yet, just resting there.

Tracy's chest rises and falls, the anticipation causing the first trickle 
of swear down his temple

Melody wipes it away tenderly. She is there, with you, not too close, but 
well within grab and hug range. She pulls the blindfold's back elastic over 
the back of your head about an inch. The front remains in place.

Tracy has settled into this, the anticipation flavoring it with a sort of 
pleasure that he gains from risk. He is an adventurer through and through...
the controlled aspect of this is causing that part of him to surface.

Melody encourages that pleasure. She pulls the front down now by the same 
amount. It covers the top of your forehead.

Tracy's heartbeat quickens a bit, then steadies as thoughhe were in a 
vigorous workout. Oh yes, part of him is enjoying this very much, it is as 
though he is at war with himself, the natural tendency for adventure 
rippling thoughhim and clashing withthe fear of being robbed of knowing 
where the walls are

Melody pauses. She reminds you to breathe, to focus, and that she is there. 
Then she slides the blindfold down the rest of the way, shutting out the 
light but not the cold breeze.

Tracy lets out a rush of air as he exhales, stiffening for a moment as the
blindfold is lowered over his eyes. His mind hits a chaotic stat for a 
moment, where are the walls? He knows they are not close but the imagined 
phantoms of them being close to him resound in his mind, like they must 
surelybe closing. **No, my sister is here, she's with me...I feel the 
breeze...** rational, emotional thoughts float amidst the chaos.

Abruptly, what you percieve changes. You feel grass around you, as if 
you're laying back on it, and the breeze is blowing over your body. It 
smells clear and cold, but with a hint of spring. You can feel the sun on 
your body, the whole thing.

Confusion trickles through Tracy's mental landscape, the abrut absence of 
the source of his fear leaving him like a desert nomad bereft of supplies 
stumbling into an oasis before he even realizes it

Melody reassures. You feel her touch your arm in this odd, different place. 
The blindfold is still on, you still can't see...but you even hear 
birdsong!

Tracy gasps softly, it was never the inability to see that truely scared 
him, merely the dominating feeling of the unkonwws walls closing in on him. 
Such poignant sensory imagery causes him to gently grip your arms with his 
delicate fingers, realizing there is nothing to close in on him.

The image disappears, and you feel the futon under you, sitting, once more.

Tracy swallows, back in what he knows to be a room. The concept 'room' 
bringing the walls to the fore of his mind...but the fear is only a mild 
trickle now. Not conquored, but driven back by the rational realization of 
the walls NOT being close to him. He gently runs his hands over your arms 
in a warmly comfortable motion. Indeed, the fear that remains gives rise 
only to excitement.

Melody lets you feel it. You are blindfolded. You are inside. She is with 
you. You sense her watching your emotions and mind intently.

Is inside, but now can truely realize he is not alone. It is a good step in 
conquoring the actual fear, his mind brimming with the vastness of waves 
of love and thankfulness that you are there with him. He leans into you 
physically and hugs you close, his breath lightly touseling your hair.

Melody strokes you gently, kisses your temple above the blindfold. ** safe/
cool/peace **

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